“Stress: The confusion created when one’s mind overrides the body’s basic desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.” Anonymous
“For fast- acting relief, try slowing down.” Lily Tomlin
“There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.” Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes
“I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.” Jennifer Yane
“Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you.” John De Paola
“I try to avoid stress-it makes me feel like I’m rubber-stamping all my organs “Urgent.” Berri Clove
“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.” Chinese Proverb
“Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.” Ovid
There are hundreds of great stress-related quotes; filled with witty introspection, succinct comparisons, and sound advice. The difficulty is to truly put into practice relaxation techniques so that life’s many stresses are incapable of affecting one’s actual health. I wish that I could say that I have found an easy solution to something for which I have struggled all of my life. Unfortunately, I have distinct proof that it is my greatest challenge and current battle.
As I write this, I need to explain that I do not feel that my decision to donate a kidney to my father is the reason for any of my stress. Yet I can say that my decision to give my father a kidney has created stress for other members of my family and they are now piling their hidden worry on top of me like an avalanche. No one is admitting anything. They keep to the party line—"they support me one hundred percent and want to help in any way that they can." But I am a great barometer for the feelings of others. I take on their stress and try to alleviate it in any way that I can. In this case, I cannot alleviate their stress.
Intellectually, I can understand their tension and possible misgivings. I am healthy today—but what about tomorrow? I have no definitive answers. There is no guarantee, and my family members understand that…I wish that they could verbalize their fears with someone (including me) and work on putting them into a place the feels comfortable. Instead, I am constantly bombarded with negative, or tension filled, energy and it is beginning to take its toll.
This week, my body fought back. Usually extremely healthy, I seem to have hit a wall. I spent a solid week giving everything that I had to a daughter with the flu, while still trying to go about my normal life—and then got hit with a massive amount of negativity. I kept hearing in my head, “Stop hitting me with them negative waves, Moriarty,” as said by Oddball in the movie Kelly’s Heroes.
So I quit. I put myself to bed early and took stock of everything that was doing me in. I had a week’s worth of conversations (with myself and with others,) and in the end, I have a plan. Here it is:
1.) I will take time each day to make sure that I have done at least one thing that fills my soul. For me that means writing, painting, hiking, or creating works for my students.
2.) I will make sure to tell others when I am angry or frustrated. (This includes addressing outrageous requests, bad behavior, passive aggressive comments, and anything else that ranges from marginally to entirely hurtful.)
3.) I will make sure that my family understands how much I love them, and not use my physical or emotional sacrifices to illustrate that love and devotion.
4.) I will learn to relax. I know that I will never learn to take life less seriously—that is who I am. What I must remember is that taking life seriously requires a commiserate level of relaxation. I am looking forward to working on this skill.
I hope that you enjoy a week of similar denouement and find success in your relaxation. I’m drawing my map and this afternoon it includes a hike through the woods with my children.
What a wonderful plan Jennifer! :)
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