Bravery

Bravery is defined in the Encarta Dictionary of North American English as: great courage—courage in the face of danger, difficulty, or pain.

As my Dad and I inch, ever closer, to our June 9^th surgical date we seem to have different ways of approaching our upcoming life alterations.  Dad is hard at work in New Mexico, trying to put off the logistical junk that comes with an entire month of preparations and a summer of convalescence.  Since I have children, and live 1,270+ miles away from where we will be having surgery, preparations and logistical planning has been my copilot for this entire process. 

Needing to step away from the logistics and have a bit of fun, I went to the most talented hairstylist in Indy, Bill Kurker, and had him add a bit of his expert color to my hair.  I wanted orange and red, in honor of the National Kidney Foundation and their continuing quest to help those tackling devastating kidney diseases.  He created an insanely perfect shade of red-orange.  The color is gorgeous, and yet something I would not have had the courage to try before yesterday.

Amazing what a bit of bravery in one part of your life seems to do with your entire perspective.  In a little over a month, I will be a Living Kidney Donor— and although I have never been one to shy away from challenges or adventure, I have not always sought out every opportunity for it.  Ten years ago, I would never have dreamed of highlighting my hair a vibrant shade of flame red-orange.  Today, it seems preposterous that I wouldn’t.  

So what is the source of this sudden courage?  Why have I written two novels in the last year after a lifetime of writing and getting nowhere?  Why have I started a blog that shares so much of my very personal journey?  Why am I coloring my hair luscious shades of crayon colors?  I would have to say that it has been quite gradual and, therefore, quite natural. 

I started out twenty years ago by becoming a vegetarian*.  Stuck my toe in the water with that one (especially in Indiana) and discovered that it was exactly what I needed to do for me.

(*Important note to my readers: I am not a dyed in the wool, no one should ever eat animals kind of person.  I do not eat animals and it is my personal choice.  I have chosen this way of eating to be what is best for my body and for whom I am as a person.  It is a wholly moral decision for me, and as such contains no judgments on the choices of others.  Some of my favorite people in the world are true carnivores and I would not have them any other way.  Their food choices are their own—and are no better or worse than mine.)

The next bits of bravery showed up in my career choices, finding a great man to share my life, giving birth to two children (anyone with children understands what courage it takes to be a parent,) more schooling, teaching, and all the while striving to be my best self.  Some of my most introspective discoveries have required the most unimaginable bravery.  So donating one of a great working pair of kidneys to my Dad seems like a walk in the park. 

Still, there are days that I feel like I don’t have any courage at all.  Those are the days that I wish not to have those difficult conversations, or spend two hours online trying to find one more document that will allow my children’s caregivers to take them to the hospital should something go wrong while they are in their care.  I want to just stay home, take care of my 16.5 year old dog, hug my kids, and not endlessly worry about how they will be when my husband and I are out in NM.  But those are rare days and only when my energy is low.

Those days give me a glimmer into why people will often say, “You are so brave to go through all of this.”  The Living Kidney Donor knows that the end more than justifies the means.  Yet we also know that we are intentionally having major surgery to accomplish our goal.  Pain and recovery are right around the corner.  Who chooses that?

Someone who is brave will choose that.  So, I guess that does describe me.  All living donors risks bits of themselves so that someone else may have an opportunity to have the life that they are meant to have. The men and women in our Armed forces do that each and every day. 

For them and for all who are brave at heart:

“Risk

more than others this is safe,

Care

more than others think is wise,

Dream

more than others think is practical,

Expect

more than others think is possible.”

Cadet Maxim from the United States Military Academy at West Point