Eating, Hiking, and more

“Oh lately, it’s so quiet in this place…,” croons Damian Kulash Jr., lead singer of OKGo, as I sit at my keyboard attempting to coherently explain the good progress that I have made over the last few days.

I can eat!  I want to eat!  I am eating!  It sounds so ridiculous when I say it like that, but the truth is that having experienced not eating (and not wanting to eat) for enough days to feel quite drained of all energy, I am celebrating the return of hunger, taste, and joy in eating.

Sunday night, as is tradition, we get together with my husband’s father and eat a meal.  This time we dined at my favorite little Mexican restaurant, Los Reyes.  I had my usual Roasted Vegetable Quesadilla and hoped that I would be able to eat it.  It was glorious!  I even ate some chips and salsa.  My spirits soared as my tummy filled.  That night I slept better than I have in months.

The next morning, I woke up feeling so rested that I relented to my children’s urging that we needed to go get some groceries.  Secondarily, they had been asking me to take them to our local big box store because they had both attained accelerated reader honors at the end of the school year for each of their classes.  This generally means a gift certificate and some intense shopping for the appropriate reward.   I had missed their last day of school, since I was in New Mexico, so I was eager to get back into the real Mom mode and do something that I have always done with my kids at the end of the school year.

That was an extremely bad idea.  Our big box store is a super store.  It is too large for me to decide (on my first really good day) to go for a hike.  Carrying only my cell phone and a wallet, I strode into the store flanked by my capable children.   I got a cart and began in the northern acreage of the store.  Half way across the back forty, I began to fade.  It was somewhere in the frozen food section that I contemplated falling on my knees and sobbing.  Deciding that this would really disturb my children, let alone the rest of the shoppers, I rallied myself enough to finish collecting the items on our list.  My kids loaded the groceries as we checked out, they loaded the groceries into the cart, and then they loaded the groceries into the car.  They were awesome!  I could not have gotten out of that store without them.

At home they got all of the items into the house, and then ran to play.  I spent over an hour putting everything away.  Taking frequent breaks and moving one item at a time was doable.  Having OKGo playing in the background made it enjoyable.  Amazing what music can do for the soul.  It can take a monumentally tired body and put it to good use.  After the groceries were put away, I did tuck myself into a comfy chair for two hours of uninterrupted reading bliss.  There are some good things about recovery.  Reading, an often stolen moment from each day for me, has a regular place in my healing.  I have to read because it keeps me still, while it keeps my busy mind occupied.  Without it, I would find some mischief to get into (like cleaning my messy kitchen)…and it would likely be far worse than wandering around a store with acreage to spare.