Sipping coffee on the porch of my father’s New Mexican home
I am reminded of how precious life is…and how in the blink of an eye it can be
thrust over the edge or saved.
A year ago today I donated one sister (of a healthy pair) of
kidneys to my Dad. The surgery itself,
on June 9, 2011, was routine and uneventful, but the lasting effects for the
both of us have been tremendous. I hope
to elucidate some of them here today.
For my father, his health has never been better. A smaller bucket of medications has replaced
the larger bucket that he took prior to the surgery. This new regimen has made the post-transplant
adjustment feel like a reprieve.
Two-three anti-rejection medications will be his constant companions,
yet they seem like a small price to pay for having a healthy kidney to filter
the toxins from his body. Life is
certainly less complicated when living organs do the job for which they were
intended.
My health is also as it should be. My remaining kidney is doing the job of two and
my energy level returned to its pre-surgery level about five months following
my donation. Always striving for balance
in all things, I am working to return my abdominal muscles and my stamina to my
pre-surgery standards. This is a work in
progress, but I feel as though I have made great strides in the last few
months.
That leads me to mention all of the things that I have
learned this year—and the learning curve was great and often surprising. I need to break these down into practical
matters and emotional ones.
Practical Matters or
Practical Things That I Wish I Knew Before Surgery:
1.
Get a good physical therapist to tell you
exactly what kind of exercises to do, and have a schedule of when to start
doing them after the surgery. After four
months of abdominal crunches, and nothing to show for it, I was given practical
and valuable exercises by a licensed physical therapist. The crunches that I had been faithfully doing
were completely inappropriate, unhelpful, and even potentially harmful. My new isometric exercises isolate many
muscle groups within the abdominal wall and strengthen my core without putting
undo pressure on sensitive areas. I
finally feel like I’m making progress.
2.
Scar tissue (elastin and fibrin) is laid down
for up to two years after surgery.
Gentle massage and pressure, increasing as the scarred areas heal, along
the suture lines, helps immeasurably in creating more flexibility and less
sensitivity in these skin areas. Two
years is a long time, but it is worth the effort.
3.
Transplant Teams are invaluable resources for
all phases of Living Kidney Donation.
*For me, it has been a struggle to
stay in touch with my transplant team since I live thousands of miles
away. Constantly shifting positions,
while understandable for a business and for career advancement, are hard on
someone who has bonded with the Transplant Team members that got them through a
tough time. Grateful for the continued
support of some members at my bedside one year ago, I must admit that it stung
every time that new people were put “in charge” of my case. There are many Team members and each has a
dedicated job, so as each new person is assigned, they invariably give me a
call and introduce themselves. When speaking
with a new team member (post surgery—social worker) she asked me if I had any
issues or wanted to talk about anything.
When I started to explain to her what I was feeling, she cut short the
conversation and told me that it was nice to “meet” me and she would call back
another day. She never did.
*The Transplant Team worked hard
to get me ready for my Living Kidney Donation, took exceptional care of me
during the entire procedure, and worked to help me figure out what was going on
after the surgery. One incredible human
being shone high above the others. Her
name is Chris. Even though she was no
longer “in charge” of me, no matter where she was or what she was doing, she
was always available to help with encouraging words or real-time information. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I will always be grateful for everything!
Emotional Matters or
Why Some Parts of This Were Surprisingly Difficult:
1.
Even with all of my careful preparations,
followed by a summer of deliberate rest and relaxation, I didn’t realize that
going back to work would be so stressful. I have been a Montessori Early Childhood Educator
for the last seven years and I have loved every minute of my time spent in the
classroom. If teaching children was the
only consideration, I would have had no concerns and I would still be doing
it. Alas, other adults run the show
outside of the classroom and they have the potential to make the school run
smoothly or chaotically. The latter has
been my burden for the last few years and reached almost epic proportions this
year.
Unbeknownst to my conscious self (although
constantly sensed by my unconscious self,) my work environment had slowly become
toxic. This meant that when my energy
flagged and I fought to regain the stamina that was mine before surgery, I
could no longer count on the men and women charged with the daily running of
the school to be supportive, helpful, or even kind. With all emotional and physical support
conditional, my self-esteem and health took a hit. Two months of writing, painting, hiking,
gardening, and snuggling with my family seems to have dialed back much of the
damage and I look forward to my new career as a full-time writer.
2.
Even goodhearted people, intent on doing nothing
more than helping, almost never know how best to help…and they rarely ask. Sometimes prayers are really all that someone
wants. It’s not a slight and doesn’t
mean that offered help is unappreciated.
Time to heal with family is often the best salve. I am truly blessed to have had so many loving
and giving friends and family. “Thank you”
for all that you have done and all that you are can never be said enough.
3.
Some people will blame any personality
characteristic that they do not like, or any time that you tell them “No” as
proof that donating a kidney has somehow fundamentally changed who you
are. I read the greatest quote posted on
Facebook by one of my friends that explains this phenomenon. It reads: “When someone says, ‘You’ve
changed!’ It simply means you’ve stopped living your life their way.” I could not agree more!
The people who have been threatened by my ability to
establish boundaries have been reacting to my integrity, not any substantive
change. Perhaps the surgery has given me
an excuse to be less flexible about those boundaries that matter, but they are
the same ones that existed before the surgery…I am just being more vocal in my
opposition to their being trampled now.
4.
Everything that happens, both physically and
emotionally, cannot be blamed on the life giving Living Kidney Donation. It is a surgery, one done intentionally and
on a healthy individual, but that does not mean that every symptom is
related. Certainly check with the
Transplant Team, or your own physician, but then look at what true-life
stressors might be contributing. A major
event like this can be life giving for the Recipient and life affirming for the
Donor. Find out what is going on, and
then work on a solution. You may be
surprised at where that leads.
This year has been a tremendous time of healing, health, and
personal growth. Even with some major
personal upheaval, I wouldn’t change a thing.
I am healthy, my father is healthy, and we are both stronger because of
our challenges and success.
I fought with myself for weeks over whether to make this a
lighthearted blog entry about how amazing it is to be celebrating one year of
health with my Dad (which it is,) or to write something substantive that would
help someone already on track to give a similar gift. The decision made for me the minute I
decided to write the One Kidney Wonders blog in the first place, I want to
help.
If you (or someone you know) are contemplating giving the
Gift of Life to a loved one, friend, or colleague, I would urge you to learn as
much as you can. Talk to your family
(you will need their constant support,) talk to your physician, and read
everything about the subject. Some of my
best information came from reading donor’s personal blogs. You won’t know everything (that’s not
possible,) but perhaps by reading the experiences of others you can understand
that the year of healing after the surgery is entirely worth the struggle.
